To lose one parent … may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

My father’s heart stopped beating two weeks after my twenty-first birthday in 1998. He left our family exceedingly, it could be argued obscenely, well-provided for. We’d been deprived of something fundamental, but our privileges remained intact.

My mother’s cancer (Stage 3C, uterine—right about where things go from biblical to medieval) has cast 2011 in sharp relief. I hadn’t intended to speak of it outside the family, beyond my closest loving friends, but lately the strain has begun invading the soft yolk of my sleep, running into my dreams, and I figure letting a little air into the situation may take the edge off.

We’re odd birds, my family, my sisters and brother. We nurse petty grudges, feud amongst ourselves, gnash our teeth (you should see our dental bills), generally let our thermometers overrun. We put time zones, mountain ranges and oceans between one another. But when the big stuff happens, when jaws hit the floor, we pull our shit together. We cloak ourselves in dark matter, share private jokes that light can neither penetrate nor escape, and are surprisingly calm, maybe even a little sardonic, listening to Harvard MDs talk about Mom’s lady parts.

We have teams at both the Cleveland Clinic and Sloan–Kettering devising treatments and strategies. I’ve looked at the statistics. Cancer’s an asshole. We’re also assholes.

If you know me and have wondered why I’ve seemed distracted this year, absent from time to time, now you know why.

Be well. Don’t just survive. Thrive.

46 Notes/ Hide

  1. only-4-youngsters reblogged this from lowindustrial
  2. dressinblackandreadcamus reblogged this from lowindustrial
  3. atencio said: My heart and thoughts go out to you. Cancer is really and truly a bitch of a disease.
  4. jddunn said: Having just been through this fight with my dad, this really strikes a chord with me. You and your family will be in my thoughts. If you need someone outside the bubble to talk to, you can always drop me a line.
  5. sarahb said: xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
  6. harpyphoto said: Though I don’t know you, my regret and best wishes for your mother are still very sincere. It’s odd how the internet can introduce people. I always look forward to your posts. I don’t know if this was hard to share, but I’m glad you did.
  7. misseffieb said: An obscene compliment, maybe, but this is beautiful. Courage to you and your siblings, and luck. Across the country and the internet, we’re sending huge warm thoughts that might otherwise make you uncomfortable coming from strangers.
  8. lowindustrial posted this

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