October 2009
60 posts
I’m rain on your wedding day.
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Taking a shower while the hot water’s out is the most invigorating and demoralizing thing I’ve done this evening.
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Don’t you hate it when you’re fiddling with something on your iPhone and someone has the temerity to actually call you and the iPhone’s all “Hey, I’m a phone! Whee! Answer me!” Yeah, me too.
Thanks for the temazepam
Catching up on my stories. Finally queued up Cougar Town. I’ve heard mixed things but no one’s mentioned how heightened the acting is. It’s like the entire cast’s been snorting The Jeff Dunham Show between takes.
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Adding a Michael Stuhlbarg orbital to the Bradley Whitford … Joaquin Phoenix … Bobby Moynihan cloud.
"What If They Turned Off the Internet?" →
…is the new “Is God Dead?”
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The way I accumulate and catalog media sometimes strikes me as phantom preparation for a desert island stranding that will never occur.
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Is it weird that I periodically change the various alert sounds on my phones and computers because I’m wary of Pavlovian conditioning? Yeah, it’s weird.
No statement that begins with “um” ever isn’t passive-aggressive.
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“I say they revive Perfect Strangers as a one hour serial. Both of their...”
– My friend Josh, inspired by kittens Bronson Pinchot.
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Life is discovering the world at right angles and recovering gracefully from wrong turns.
Actresses of a Certain Age™: One way to redirect questions about your disordered eating, your extramarital activities or your plastic surgery enthusiasm is to reveal you turned down Teri Hatcher’s role on Desperate Housewives.
R: The first person who owes me their first-born, I'm handing that kid over to you.
H: And when its diaper needs to be changed, I'm giving it away to someone else.
It’s never really about sharing the things you love, it’s about sharing the love itself.
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NBC: Mostly Jay Leno. FOX: Mostly Seth MacFarlane. CBS: Mostly Jerry Bruckheimer. ABC: Mostly Snow Patrol.
I don’t know the plot of the White Chicks sequel but I hope it involves Hugh Hefner in a Bernie Lomax capacity.
Dubious things we've made up tonight
A Prozac roofie.
A Brazilian hysterectomy.
A Cheech Marin role on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
So far.
Khloe Kardashian was guest co-host on The View today. When they brought out a small dog and put it in a Snuggie for the consumer products segment she thought it was a burrito and ate it.
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The safephrase is “I know an albino.”
First the Gym, Then Tea in Bed →
Padma Lakshmi, the sassy and sultry host of Bravo’s Top Chef, lives in a Lower East Side loft she likens to “a treehouse”; its test kitchen has an eight-burner stove, where she recently made dinner for the Ethiopian supermodel Liya Kebede (“I needed someone African” because “I’m trying out these new spice blends.”)
This profile needs less vapid.